Why my neighbours must surely think I’m odd
May 25, 2010
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If any of them were watching me this morning, this is what they would have seen:
The Geek is busy getting her yard chores finished before the temperature rises to the uncomfortable 34C promised for the day. She is now rolling the wheelbarrow back towards the shed. She stops abruptly in the middle of the yard, peering intently at…what the heck is she looking at? She seems to be staring off into space. The wheelbarrow is suddenly dropped, and it topples on one side, spilling its load of soil and sod. The Geek doesn’t even spare it a glance, as she suddenly breaks into a sprint, with one hand raised high in the air, palm outwards and fingers held tightly together. She pauses, darts forward, pauses again, then brings her flattened hand sharply downwards. She scans the grass at her feet, then quickly crouches and seems to pluck something from the ground. Holding her prize(?) between finger and thumb, she scampers hurriedly inside. Moments later, she re-emerges with a pleased look upon her face.
The interpretation (to which my poor befuddled neighbours would not have been privy):
The Geek is gardening. It’s bloody hot already. Bah. A loud buzz just overhead catches her attention. A large dark insect is lumbering by. The Geek stops to do a quick assessment: long, dark body, dangly bits and large wings…a wasp with trailing legs? NO! A LONGHORN BEETLE! A BIG ONE! STOP THE PRESSES! DROP THE WHEELBARROW! RUN! The only bug-halting “weapon” at her disposal is her own hand. Must… catch…SHINY. Before it flies away…QUICK, HURRY!!! Hand raised, careful aim taken…WHACK! The hapless critter is knocked to the grass. POUNCE! It squeaks a stridulating protest, but the lovely male Pine Sawyer has met its match. The Geek notes a ring of reddish mites encircling its pronotum as she carries it indoors to be added to her collection. This lovely specimen, as well as the very large and beautiful weevil she found crawling on her home’s exterior, has made her morning.